As I laid in bed last night crying I decided scrolling through Facebook may hold the key to my happiness (kidding...but seriously though), little did I know I would come across a post that may actually change my life. The post included the above quote. I loved the quote as soon as I read it, but was left puzzled. What exactly is God's glory, and how do we pursue it?
You're probably wondering why I was crying. Let me fill everyone in since it has been over a year since I last posted!
As y'all know I was a full-time college student, naturally that is extremely overwhelming, so I found very little time to write. Recently however, actually exactly 10 days ago, I graduated with a degree in psychology: Christian counseling from Liberty University!! I am beyond excited to finally be finished, I mean that was my goal right? To finish? Well yes, and I am sincerely relieved, but I'm left wondering where to go from here? What's next?
Maybe I'm still in shock and this is like PTSD, or maybe I'm truly lost with no direction now. This is how I have felt since July 9th when I closed the final chapter of my very very long book called life. No, life isn't over, but that part of it is. A part I spent years writing. A part that took up all of my time, money, and sanity. There is no doubt in my mind that God lead me straight to that college, to that degree, so why does it feel like it had no purpose?
As I read that quote last night I realized that I didn't know what it meant to pursue God's glory. Of course I live my life for God daily, but are my dreams and His purpose for me the same? Am I chasing my own definition of joy? For so long I have put off working for the Lord saying I didn't have time because of school. "As soon as I finish school, Lord, I'm all yours." Sure I served him through it all, but did I completely consume myself in servitude? No. I put my own personal pursuits before God, and that is where the problem lies. That is why I am left joyless upon accomplishing something I thought was so important that God had to take the backseat. I didn't earn a college degree for God's glory, I earned it for the glory of myself and those around me. I wanted to be praised for my hard work. I wanted the approval of those who pushed me to do it and believed I couldn't. And where are those people now? Going about their everyday lives as if nothing had happened. For this, for my spiritual immaturity, I am left feeling as if I hadn't accomplished a thing. I am left empty.
So, as I proceeded to lay in bed and cry, I read the quote over and over again, "it was not always clear to me that pursuing God's glory would be virtually the same as pursuing my joy." Wow. It obviously wasn't clear to me at all. I know joy comes from the Lord, in fact, I ask Him for it often, but what I wasn't grasping was the fact that joy isn't merely given, it is received. It is received when we finally realize that pursuing GOD'S glory and OUR joy are ONE path. When we desire nothing else but to serve and please God, there will we find joy. There will we find accomplishment.
"To have found God and still pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love." - A. W. Tozer
To be continued...